I love this year's batch song.
strangers at the start, now we're walking heart to heart
the fear that we all hold of many experiences untold
look with favour upon, a bold beginning
we'll start a journey together that's worth remembering
we'll take a chance, on these bold dreams
so don't let go, we're holding on to
The hopes that we had, the moments that we'll share
we'll take the paths untrodden, believing we'll get there
the time's ours to make and two years all we've got
But i know, we'll make the best of it
cause you're here to dream along with
Different shades of green, now illuminate the way
so it's up to you and me, come on let's seize the day
so you thought it's not okay, to break the status quo
but just keep following your heart, don't lose sight of your goal
we'll take a chance, on these bold dreams
so don't let go, we're holding on to
The hopes that we had, the moments that we'll share
we'll take the paths untrodden, believing we'll get there
the time's our to make, and two years all we've got
But i know, we'll make the best of it
cause you're here to dream along with me
what's to come, may seem daunting
we've got a hill to climb
A valley to cross
All the doubts, uncertainties
enfeeble us,
they just tie us down
but we ain't falling just yet
the hopes that we have, the moments that we'll share
we'll take the paths untrodden, believing we'll get there
the time's our to make and two years all we've got
but i know, we'll make the best of it
cause you're here to dream along with me
(: shall blog abt orientations soon
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
watch me go!
Oh, I am so grateful that I survived today!
SAT I is finally over! I hate the fact that my reasons for taking SATs is so arbituary and non-existent since I don't necessarily want to go to the USA to further my studies. But ah, I don't know, to me taking SATs is just another of those thing that can open up my very limited opportunities in my life, being a humanz kid.
I'm just really really happy sats is over and I pray and hope that I don't ever have to take SAT I ever again! It's such a mental challenge that require such resilience really. To quote someone, it is indeed very brain-numbing, especially when you are stuck at your seat for approximately four hours devoid of the chance to go to the toilet, since you risk coming back late and missing precious time to do the paper and four hours devoid of any human contact/food. SIAN is just such a good adjective to describe the SAT.
Personally, I think the process of mugging for it was way torturous than taking the actual test. studying for SAT canbe so demoralising, I cannot believe it. Especially when I lack the concentration I need for those long passages, the discipline in resisting myself from checking those damn answers, the resilience to do every single sums cause it's so mahfun. yeah and when you get scores ranging from 1900-2100 when doing practice tests, you just get so frustrated and disappointed.
But nevertheless, I managed to go through it with the support of my awesome class, whom most of which were taking the test with me as well. Ah, this week must be one of the weeks in my life that I frequent the library every single day. Borrowing the SAT book in and out after every two days, borrowiong the 2 hour "hot spots" books, rushing to do the sections before the time runs out, staying till the library closes, going home falling asleep, waking up at unorthodox time, doing work, falling asleep again and feeling like crap to go to sch the next day! Hahah we did it friends!
Let's talk about something personal.
Lately, very lately in fact, I have been feeling troubled. Well okay, troubled isn't really the word. I feel more angry and annoyed and pissed off actually. I feel indignant. Yes, that's the emotion- indignant. Like I didn't deserve all og those things. & on top of indignation, I do also feel a rather strong tinge of disappointment. Disappointed at how things turned out and how there was a complete lack of intervention. I don't know, I think what has made me upset is how things turned out this way, completely unexpected and uncalled for. What affected me the most was probably the impact it had on my pride and it seriously made me consider the notion of what is loyalty for? Why should we still even to care anyway, when all people do is to take advantage of that and exploit you only when they need you?
I know it sounds all very confusing and very arbitrary, but I don't think I talk about this to anyone because for one I think it really hurts at where it hurts the most- the whole pride thing. The only chance I see myself pouring everything out is the day when I confront those people and explode my displeasure at them and I don't forsee that to be a very nice situation. I don't know, somehow this event has made me realise how weak I am as a person once again. Not in the sense that I get hurt/upset but in the sense that I am never good enough. But sometimes, I can't help but lament about how unfair it is and urgh urgh urgh how very very annoying.
But the thing is this. How much am I going to let it affect me when people obviously would not be bothered and are adamant in doing this? what will I ever gain from feeling upset, dejected, terrible, annoyed, depressed? Why should I think like that when they are the one at the loss? How much does this affect my life and should I even let it affect the way I think of people and loyalty- a value which I place close to my heart? Is it even important or necessary to get mad? Maybe things are there for a reason, they always are, aren't they? Even if they are not there for a reason now, I'm sure this is an experience for me to learn and be a better person. Why should I let those people affect me! I shouldn't. Which is why I can type out this part of the post/rant confidently because hell yeah- I'm upset evidently but no, it's not going to go further than anything else. This incident will only open my eyes to those people, the way they think and the way they do things, that's all. It will not change what i inherently believe in and I will not let it have such a great impact on me.
Yes, that's the way. Wallow in self pity, feel all upset/unfair, then slap yourself and wake up from it all. come out of the whole thing feeling like you learnt a whole lot more about yourself and other people, cause you really really do.
Yes, I feel much much better now. & I'm really proud I did not let this affect my mood for taking SATs at all.
"Let it out, let it out, don't be caught up in yourself"
SAT I is finally over! I hate the fact that my reasons for taking SATs is so arbituary and non-existent since I don't necessarily want to go to the USA to further my studies. But ah, I don't know, to me taking SATs is just another of those thing that can open up my very limited opportunities in my life, being a humanz kid.
I'm just really really happy sats is over and I pray and hope that I don't ever have to take SAT I ever again! It's such a mental challenge that require such resilience really. To quote someone, it is indeed very brain-numbing, especially when you are stuck at your seat for approximately four hours devoid of the chance to go to the toilet, since you risk coming back late and missing precious time to do the paper and four hours devoid of any human contact/food. SIAN is just such a good adjective to describe the SAT.
Personally, I think the process of mugging for it was way torturous than taking the actual test. studying for SAT canbe so demoralising, I cannot believe it. Especially when I lack the concentration I need for those long passages, the discipline in resisting myself from checking those damn answers, the resilience to do every single sums cause it's so mahfun. yeah and when you get scores ranging from 1900-2100 when doing practice tests, you just get so frustrated and disappointed.
But nevertheless, I managed to go through it with the support of my awesome class, whom most of which were taking the test with me as well. Ah, this week must be one of the weeks in my life that I frequent the library every single day. Borrowing the SAT book in and out after every two days, borrowiong the 2 hour "hot spots" books, rushing to do the sections before the time runs out, staying till the library closes, going home falling asleep, waking up at unorthodox time, doing work, falling asleep again and feeling like crap to go to sch the next day! Hahah we did it friends!
Let's talk about something personal.
Lately, very lately in fact, I have been feeling troubled. Well okay, troubled isn't really the word. I feel more angry and annoyed and pissed off actually. I feel indignant. Yes, that's the emotion- indignant. Like I didn't deserve all og those things. & on top of indignation, I do also feel a rather strong tinge of disappointment. Disappointed at how things turned out and how there was a complete lack of intervention. I don't know, I think what has made me upset is how things turned out this way, completely unexpected and uncalled for. What affected me the most was probably the impact it had on my pride and it seriously made me consider the notion of what is loyalty for? Why should we still even to care anyway, when all people do is to take advantage of that and exploit you only when they need you?
I know it sounds all very confusing and very arbitrary, but I don't think I talk about this to anyone because for one I think it really hurts at where it hurts the most- the whole pride thing. The only chance I see myself pouring everything out is the day when I confront those people and explode my displeasure at them and I don't forsee that to be a very nice situation. I don't know, somehow this event has made me realise how weak I am as a person once again. Not in the sense that I get hurt/upset but in the sense that I am never good enough. But sometimes, I can't help but lament about how unfair it is and urgh urgh urgh how very very annoying.
But the thing is this. How much am I going to let it affect me when people obviously would not be bothered and are adamant in doing this? what will I ever gain from feeling upset, dejected, terrible, annoyed, depressed? Why should I think like that when they are the one at the loss? How much does this affect my life and should I even let it affect the way I think of people and loyalty- a value which I place close to my heart? Is it even important or necessary to get mad? Maybe things are there for a reason, they always are, aren't they? Even if they are not there for a reason now, I'm sure this is an experience for me to learn and be a better person. Why should I let those people affect me! I shouldn't. Which is why I can type out this part of the post/rant confidently because hell yeah- I'm upset evidently but no, it's not going to go further than anything else. This incident will only open my eyes to those people, the way they think and the way they do things, that's all. It will not change what i inherently believe in and I will not let it have such a great impact on me.
Yes, that's the way. Wallow in self pity, feel all upset/unfair, then slap yourself and wake up from it all. come out of the whole thing feeling like you learnt a whole lot more about yourself and other people, cause you really really do.
Yes, I feel much much better now. & I'm really proud I did not let this affect my mood for taking SATs at all.
"Let it out, let it out, don't be caught up in yourself"
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
POW
Right now, I am just super annoyed with sats and the complete failure of my brain to process basic grammatical information. I cant take doing SATS anymore and I just want to take the test now and get it over and done with!
I don't understand why it's so difficult! It's just MCQ but argh, somehow I just cannot comprehend the skills needed to do SATS. I swear it's driving me NUTS.
right okay, I shall breathe.
Anyway, I feel that at every point of my life I seem to have something to focus on.
Two/one week ago it was my Kashmir Term paper
now it's SATS
I'm pretty sure by next week i would have some form of essay to do.
wait, i already have lit PC and econs case study to do.
It's like I am never free and I have to keep running and chasing this constant flow of work.
deadlines after deadlines. I'm not living my life to its fullest, I'm living it according to time frames I force myself to get used to. I live my school days period after period. I yearn for the moment when lessons end and I get to get a breather out of the classroom which seems to engulf me with words and information flying across my head.
Okay maybe I just need to refresh my mind.
I don't understand why it's so difficult! It's just MCQ but argh, somehow I just cannot comprehend the skills needed to do SATS. I swear it's driving me NUTS.
right okay, I shall breathe.
Anyway, I feel that at every point of my life I seem to have something to focus on.
Two/one week ago it was my Kashmir Term paper
now it's SATS
I'm pretty sure by next week i would have some form of essay to do.
wait, i already have lit PC and econs case study to do.
It's like I am never free and I have to keep running and chasing this constant flow of work.
deadlines after deadlines. I'm not living my life to its fullest, I'm living it according to time frames I force myself to get used to. I live my school days period after period. I yearn for the moment when lessons end and I get to get a breather out of the classroom which seems to engulf me with words and information flying across my head.
Okay maybe I just need to refresh my mind.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
I'm gonna fail my SATS
unless some form of miracle takes place.
I don't know how I can end up with so many mistakes and do so badly overall ah.
Annoying the crap out of me and I don't know what I can do.
Actually i know the problem:
1. I do not check when i finish. I just do the next section immediately
2. I rush through when I do the practice, cause I'm thinking "the faster the better, the more you can do" WRONG MOVE.
3. I don't do it within the time span
4. I dont't even bother to read some of the essays, I just look at the question and try to find the answer. Wrong method.
5. I don't look at all the options (A, B, C, D, E). I just choose the one i like best or the first one that I see that seems correct. WRONG.
ahhhh. But then again I dont think i wanna do all of the above.
I am hoping that i can do much better when I am in proper examination conditions and have to adhere to the time and check!
unless some form of miracle takes place.
I don't know how I can end up with so many mistakes and do so badly overall ah.
Annoying the crap out of me and I don't know what I can do.
Actually i know the problem:
1. I do not check when i finish. I just do the next section immediately
2. I rush through when I do the practice, cause I'm thinking "the faster the better, the more you can do" WRONG MOVE.
3. I don't do it within the time span
4. I dont't even bother to read some of the essays, I just look at the question and try to find the answer. Wrong method.
5. I don't look at all the options (A, B, C, D, E). I just choose the one i like best or the first one that I see that seems correct. WRONG.
ahhhh. But then again I dont think i wanna do all of the above.
I am hoping that i can do much better when I am in proper examination conditions and have to adhere to the time and check!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
So this is who I am
Urgh, I've done it again.
I've slept at 7 and woken up at 2 again.
& I had really weird dreams about being in a party and losing something important, which got me into a mess and made me do stuff i didn't have to do if i did not have lost that thing (which i cannot rmb what it was). The thing about such dreams is that I constantly drift in and out of them and when i wake up i feel as though i have been through lots and lots of things.
I can't stand how dreams are representative of me as a person. Somehow, I always manage to get myself into some form of shit situation. for example, the most recently (around 1 month ago) incident of not registering my full name into the collegeboard SAT account. Argh how stupid is that man, to not include the second part of my full, registered, singapore-recognised name! yeah and I had to call and email them and do loads of shit which was completely unnecessary and a waste of time, if not for that stupid mistake. argh argh. & things like doing the WRONG essay question for term paper and wanting to die when i realise that mistake. Yes, you get the point, stupid things in life which slow me down and stagger me along the way. Well, it's not that I am feeling begrudging or anything but it just can be very annoying at times.
I have no idea why, but I always feel really weak when I wake up from the weird timings I sleep, physically weak. I feel almost hollow and it's a feeling I cannot explain at all. I feel hollow when I am running, I feel like my contents are being emptied out of my body. I feel weak, I feel like I'm about to collapse and I will be left in complete nothing. I feel like my internal organs are competing for the limited amount of air capacity I have in my body, lungs, etc. It's a horrible feeling, really and I don't think you will be about to understand it until you experience it.
I like the feeling of being up alone in the night. I like the solitude accompanied by the blasting music from the MP3 and I like how I am all alone in my room, blogging, doing work and reflecting about things that surround me. Secretly when I am all alone, I can be quite a different person. While Im still a klutz that is confused, blur and annoying, I am much less louder than I am in person. I'd think that a person who meets me when I am out overseas alone will have a much different impression of me if that same person met me somewhere else. I guess such things happen to each and everyone of us, the whole split in personality thing. It's quite amazing actually.
argh okay I will not sleep. I will attempt some work and stay up till the next day and go to school for orientation. I enjoy orientation and the things we do cause of the numerous ogls i know in my awesome class and in humanz but at the same time, the amount of time we waste waiting around is argh, plain annoying. i don't think the oics could have done anything to prevent it really, but sometimes I just wish we could do everything at one go and come back for less sessions. I really hope for orientation to be a great one for the J1s of 2010. At least I hope to make each of my oglings enjoy themselves to the fullest and have some form of great experience and memory in this jc for the first month or so. Orientation for me, is like some form of foundation. If the foundation is badly built and shaky, the whole journey would be one that you have to constantly thread carefully on. It will not be enjoyable and rather, it would be one that you have to cross while feeling apprehensive and scared. I hope I become a good ogl to them and I hope to see some of my juniors here.
right, right, shutup already. K, this is a year to put fears behind me and go counter them. Napfa, econs, GP, Lit ah go away. I can conquer you guys, it's all in the mind yo. && I cannot believe my classmates called me diligent. HAHAHA, funny guys.
This sounds awesome
"The paperweight was the room he was in, and the coral was Julia's life and his own, fixed in a sort of eternity at the heart of the crystal"
I've slept at 7 and woken up at 2 again.
& I had really weird dreams about being in a party and losing something important, which got me into a mess and made me do stuff i didn't have to do if i did not have lost that thing (which i cannot rmb what it was). The thing about such dreams is that I constantly drift in and out of them and when i wake up i feel as though i have been through lots and lots of things.
I can't stand how dreams are representative of me as a person. Somehow, I always manage to get myself into some form of shit situation. for example, the most recently (around 1 month ago) incident of not registering my full name into the collegeboard SAT account. Argh how stupid is that man, to not include the second part of my full, registered, singapore-recognised name! yeah and I had to call and email them and do loads of shit which was completely unnecessary and a waste of time, if not for that stupid mistake. argh argh. & things like doing the WRONG essay question for term paper and wanting to die when i realise that mistake. Yes, you get the point, stupid things in life which slow me down and stagger me along the way. Well, it's not that I am feeling begrudging or anything but it just can be very annoying at times.
I have no idea why, but I always feel really weak when I wake up from the weird timings I sleep, physically weak. I feel almost hollow and it's a feeling I cannot explain at all. I feel hollow when I am running, I feel like my contents are being emptied out of my body. I feel weak, I feel like I'm about to collapse and I will be left in complete nothing. I feel like my internal organs are competing for the limited amount of air capacity I have in my body, lungs, etc. It's a horrible feeling, really and I don't think you will be about to understand it until you experience it.
I like the feeling of being up alone in the night. I like the solitude accompanied by the blasting music from the MP3 and I like how I am all alone in my room, blogging, doing work and reflecting about things that surround me. Secretly when I am all alone, I can be quite a different person. While Im still a klutz that is confused, blur and annoying, I am much less louder than I am in person. I'd think that a person who meets me when I am out overseas alone will have a much different impression of me if that same person met me somewhere else. I guess such things happen to each and everyone of us, the whole split in personality thing. It's quite amazing actually.
argh okay I will not sleep. I will attempt some work and stay up till the next day and go to school for orientation. I enjoy orientation and the things we do cause of the numerous ogls i know in my awesome class and in humanz but at the same time, the amount of time we waste waiting around is argh, plain annoying. i don't think the oics could have done anything to prevent it really, but sometimes I just wish we could do everything at one go and come back for less sessions. I really hope for orientation to be a great one for the J1s of 2010. At least I hope to make each of my oglings enjoy themselves to the fullest and have some form of great experience and memory in this jc for the first month or so. Orientation for me, is like some form of foundation. If the foundation is badly built and shaky, the whole journey would be one that you have to constantly thread carefully on. It will not be enjoyable and rather, it would be one that you have to cross while feeling apprehensive and scared. I hope I become a good ogl to them and I hope to see some of my juniors here.
right, right, shutup already. K, this is a year to put fears behind me and go counter them. Napfa, econs, GP, Lit ah go away. I can conquer you guys, it's all in the mind yo. && I cannot believe my classmates called me diligent. HAHAHA, funny guys.
This sounds awesome
"The paperweight was the room he was in, and the coral was Julia's life and his own, fixed in a sort of eternity at the heart of the crystal"
Saturday, January 09, 2010
the ear hurts when you try and suppress it
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I DON'T KNOW.
If only we can say that to everything. Everything that matters and to those that don't. I don't know and I don't care. Sometimes, i really don't even know why I am doing what I am doing when it might not even come to fruition and at the end of it all, it might all just be a huge mistake which I am wasting my precious time on. Is it necessary? Why should we even do it? Is it worth the wait? I don't know, I really don't. I know feeling depressed and despondent isn't going to help anything and it might just bring your morale further and make you feel more useless and pathetic altogether. Self pity is pathetic, i know it but i don't despise it. I cannot help but feel more useless and annoyed with myself. It's so easy to fall into the abyss of giving up but once the deeper you fall, the harder it is to climb out of it. I don't know what I should do and I need the reason as well.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I DON'T KNOW.
If only we can say that to everything. Everything that matters and to those that don't. I don't know and I don't care. Sometimes, i really don't even know why I am doing what I am doing when it might not even come to fruition and at the end of it all, it might all just be a huge mistake which I am wasting my precious time on. Is it necessary? Why should we even do it? Is it worth the wait? I don't know, I really don't. I know feeling depressed and despondent isn't going to help anything and it might just bring your morale further and make you feel more useless and pathetic altogether. Self pity is pathetic, i know it but i don't despise it. I cannot help but feel more useless and annoyed with myself. It's so easy to fall into the abyss of giving up but once the deeper you fall, the harder it is to climb out of it. I don't know what I should do and I need the reason as well.
Monday, January 04, 2010
we paint, we draw, we cut things!
Decor today was really fun!
Never felt more efficient with just the few of us.
I love decor (HOUSE HOUSE!!) and I love painting so much more now.
I have a talent for painting!!! :D
Haha okay I can be a constuction worker/painter if i decide to quit sch one day.
I'm looking forward and not looking forward to the rest of the week with lots of oteam stuff!
Gonna be lots of fun but it's gonna be damn freaking tired tooo ah.
okay rara olala, gotta go do more important things now!
& I never felt better after bathing!! :D
Never felt more efficient with just the few of us.
I love decor (HOUSE HOUSE!!) and I love painting so much more now.
I have a talent for painting!!! :D
Haha okay I can be a constuction worker/painter if i decide to quit sch one day.
I'm looking forward and not looking forward to the rest of the week with lots of oteam stuff!
Gonna be lots of fun but it's gonna be damn freaking tired tooo ah.
okay rara olala, gotta go do more important things now!
& I never felt better after bathing!! :D
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