Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new?

I just realised blogger lost one whole chunk of something really meaningful that i have blogged. Darn it.

Anyway this is the rough replica of it, cause it's such a nice post i have to post it so that i can look back at this blog one day and go ahhh.

Today was a really nice day. It was the picnic foiled plan day turned into a Sakae sushi buffet cause of sushi craves. Today i had lunch and met with the tkgs-rj girls, chuyi and sihui and i spent such a good and nice time talking aand spending quality time with them. It's been so long since we have gone out and talked and had lunch other than the "meeting every morning at mt house ome thingy". Well, all of us were super late, me and chuyi being the latest, since we went together and i had to wait for miss tan. & like i tell my parents "we're the generation of late people, so cannot blame me!" hahaha.

Well, it was also supposed to be Sihui's birthday surprise! So chuyi and I trooped over to J8 to get her a mini-cake from breadtalk and we hid it inside chuyi's bag, which i always accidentally whack it, completely forgetting the exsitence of a cake in it. Yes, so the both of us arrived super late, after changing our mind to go eat sushi instead of spending pretty and nice time at the marina barrage (sense the resentment!) hahaha.

We walked around marina square for a while and went into body shop where we managed to get sihui another gift- lip balm! Hhaha it happened so coincidentally that she picked that lipbalm up and exclaimed to us "smells nice right!" ahahah and instinctively both of us knew we just had to get what for her.

We ate and talk alot during the buffet about good times, hilarious & embarrassing moments, memorable times, sec 1&2 times and of course heard lots of proper updates about both of their oh-so-interesting life. Hahah my life seems so peaceful and mundane in comparison(:

Walked out of the cold and took retarded pictures and we ended the day nicely! ohyeah and in the end we did managed to surprise Sihui, haha i knew it would be a success and this once again proved how good i was at surprising people for their birthday! :D yeah, nice one chuyitan!:D

OHH and Aetie, the girl i tutored for her N levels, smsed me about her results and she got 5 points! Not sure how good that is, but she sounds happy and her sms made me feel really happy for her! Surprisingly the sense of achievement i felt when i received her message was not as great as i expected it to be! But i am really happy for her, for her success is totally her effort and willingness to learn!

& I am so excited to be going to Beijing! Although I know the place is freezing and I will be freezing cold and running to hide from the winter chill, i know i will enjoy it nontheless! Besides I'm going to so many cool historical place, i can barely contain my excitement! I'm utterly a history geek deep down! :D ahh i cannot wait to see tiananmen, the great wall, the forbidden city, the summer palaces and so much more! & I love to go on trips with my family and that homely feeling and of course more bonding with my retarded sister! Yongy just told me to make friends with the people on my tour as fast as possible and to be honest, I don't really want to. It's not that I am antisocial but i'd rather not mingle or talk to anyone on the long bus rides. I'd rather plug in my music and reflect (or occasionally fall asleep) about things going on around me, especially since it is always a nice closure for the year. Besides, I'm bringing a book this time, it will be better! I know i'm talkative lah, but sometimes, i just don't really want to talk. I guess this explains why i was quite "sian" in other people's eyes during the Japan trip. I'd much rather sit behind the bus with claire and listen to my music while thinking then constantly play bridge at every turn of the road.

Okay peeps, very long post/rant here.
Last post before i send me and my family into the land of the chinamen/women, ah i hope the people there are very pleasant, pls be!

Enjoy the last bit of the hols with academia/sleeping/resting/catchingupwithpeople/family&friendstime/lots&lotsofloveee!

loveeeee

Where no one knows my name

In the light of the sun, is there anyone?
Oh it has begun
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed

she said
You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you
they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you

You said
You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains

She said I think I'll go to Boston
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice
Boston where no one knows my name

"Boston, Augustana"


I used to love this song for a while, thanks to Sal and sometimes I do feel that when i am travelling overseas and sitting through long bus rides, the lyrics are such a good representation of what I am thinking and reflecting about.

"I like the dark part of the night, after midnight and before four-thirty, when it's hollow, when ceilings are harder and farther away. Then I can breathe, and can think while others are sleeping, in a way can stop time, can have it so – this has always been my dream – so that while everyone else is frozen, I can work busily about them, doing whatever it is that needs to be done, like the elves who make the shoes while children sleep."

- A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius, Dave Eggers

Just like a shadow, ill be beside you
ill be your comfort, i will provide you a place of shelter

If i could your angel, protect you from the pain
Ill keep you safe from danger and you'll never hurt again

I'm sorry you left

Betrayal

Good music makes me want to blog

I wanna read 1984 by George Orwell.

"I betrayed you," she said baldly.
"I betrayed you," he said.
She gave him another quick look of dislike.
"Sometimes," she said, "they threaten you with something — something you can't stand up to, can't even think about. And then you say, 'Don't do it to me, do it to somebody else, do it to so-and-so.' And perhaps you might pretend, afterwards, that it was only a trick and that you just said it to make them stop and didn't really mean it. But that isn't true. At the time when it happens you do mean it. You think there's no other way of saving yourself and you're quite ready to save yourself that way. You want it to happen to the other person. You don't give a damn what they suffer. All you care about is yourself."
"All you care about is yourself," he echoed.
"And after that, you don't feel the same toward the other person any longer."
"No," he said, "you don't feel the same."

Throughout, a score recurs in Winston's mind:

Under the spreading chestnut tree
I sold you and you sold me


utopia VS dystopia

Alright, I have finally decided to post about my exciting and wonderful trip to Japan. I think i reflect so much better and so much more authentically when i know people are not really gonna be really this, or rather they are not gonna judge me on this. Which is why, i think i am going to have so much trouble writing the reflections which we need to hand in.

Japan was one of those chance i had which allowed me to know Humanz so much better and so much more than i can ever will, well at least for those people that went. Part of me feels happy that I got to become more comfortable with the people that went to Japan, considering that I had a lot of people in my class whom i was very close to and were not on the trip, as well as some peeps in Humanz who i was close to who didn't go for the trip. I've definitely became much better friends with those whom i was already close to and achieved my resolution of talking to everyone on the trip, at least once. I've got to know the teachers much better too and well hahaha at the very least, my lit teacher now knows my name, having carried my luggage, what a way to remember a person's name eh.

Japan was beautiful, clean and cultured, as expected. The air was fresh and the scenery was breathtaking and I was at awe a lot. Japan did remind me a lot of Korea though and I kept referring to Japan as Korea, as if they were interchangeable. Food was great, perhaps the best food i've ever eaten overseas. You'll love the food if you were there too, unless you hated fish. The weird thing was, i realised i missed Italian food a lot when i was there at Japan. I was devouring all the pastas and pizzas ally and I could find & i loved all the italian food that i found in Japan. It tasted heavenly! The people in Japan are polite, kind, courteous and extremely gracious. I think the farm stay at night totally reinforced such an opinion on me, as i had such a gracious and warm host family whom at all times, tried to keep us comfortable, warm and entertained. The students i met during the student exchange were so affable and nice and I absolutely adored their classrooms, from the blackboards to their briefcases to the whole style of their classrooms! It felt as if i was coming out from a television studio that was filming some kind of Japanese drama, so amazing and so kawaii-neh.

I love the maple leaves and those random plants growing out of mountains, which really add a brighter touch to the otherwise bleak mountains. I love how the mountains never seem to ever end, and the brightblue colour of the skies which are often lit with a nice touch of clouds. Unlike most of my friends, I don't think i actually missed being in the city and being in the midst of the hustle and bustle. While i was of course happy about the whole idea of shopping and buying things from the streets of Japan, i think i would be quite contented living in the quiet, calm surroundings of Kyushu. Till this end, I'm quite content I did not play as much bridge as most people in the bus, Im really quite happy I had some comfortable silence with the people I sat with on the bus and admired the beautiful surroundings of Kyushu (from the mountains, to the rising sun to the setting dusk and to the winding rivers), which I would never see in Singapore.

I loved Mt Aso too. It was freezing cold and we were all about to fly off to some nevernever land if not for gravity, but I loved it nontheless and I actually wished we could stay there longer. Being on top of a dormant volcano was such an amazing experience and it felt like one of the rare times that i was really experiencing life and geography at its best! It didn't feel surreal, it felt amazing to watch the volcano fill up with gas or whatever it was. I loved how we were so close to nature, and this totally beats any pictures I've seen or any description ever the best story teller could say.

The day at Nagasaki was a solemn day, everyone knew the severity of the historic event and again, i felt like i was really studying and understanding history. To be right at the place where the bomb was dropped (hypocenter), was a whole lot more meaningful and resonant than reading about it in the textbooks. Somehow, the death tolls and the amount of damage the bomb did was so much more heartwrenching sitting there, listening to the recount of the bomb survivor. It amazed me how much courage the bomb survivor had, to repeatedly recount that horrific incident which occurred to him, of which he lost his dad and his hopes towards humantity forever. I could absolutely not imagine myself to be in his position and to go through the extent of trauma he went through.

ahh, it's really true how you can go on and on and on once you start and once you stop, it's so hard to goet back that smoothness and i can't blog anymore cause i'm so distracted by SEA GAMES! wooohooo go singapore!!!

Okay that was so one hour ago.

ONLY READ THIS IF YOU ARE RRRR BORED CAUSE I BET YOU'LL THINK IM MAD AFTER READING BELOW AND YOU'LL BE DAMN BORED OR YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

I need to get myself more organized. My thoughts, my speech, my behaviour, my brain and my table. Okay, my table's quite neat actually.

& i wanna get a cute organizer for next year.

I'm quite excited for next year and the things/events/people it will bring me. i have a feeling 2010 will mildly be like 2008. 2008 was a rather hard, memorable & interesting year, hmm but i'm not sure if i want next year to completely be like 2008. end of the year post should be coming, once i get the inspiration, energy and time to do so. :D

There's so many things i want to do and sometimes i just need to get down to doing them and stop talking about them only. There's so many people i miss and want to talk to online now or meet them now, people are away, people are MIA, people are busy, people have better things to do and it's so hard to connect with every single one of you guyszxz. & for goodness sake, get facebook then i won't feel so out of touch with you every time. I mean with facebook, at least i can see your pictures and know what you're up to and stuff, unlike now, when i have no idea what you're doing except some drama thingy.

Sometimes (like right now), i feel like i shouldn't be posting all these crap bloggings down cause i really don't make much sense to anyone, but myself but then againl, what's blogging all about? Random things that make me think, make me exclaim and just things that are going through my brain the very second, which as you can see, is very very chaotic and unorganized and random. This is how my brain works and sometimes i love the speed it changes it's focus and sometimes i cant stand it cause it makes me switch focus so fast and argh, but ah well i think it makes me more interesting than if i was organized, focused and BORING.

HEEEHEEE.

Oh god, they are showing miss world now. I love watching late night shows, they show all the repeated stuff which are actually good. New stuff are really bad these days, miss those shows i used to watch when i was young. They somehow resonate with me so much and I can even still remember the storyline vaguely, proving what a huge impression they make on me.

A blog is like a time capsule. I am going to laugh like mad and wonder "what the hell, i was like that? I type and think like that at the age of 17??" when I am like 25 or something and it's gonna be so amazing cause hopefully, all the memories (both good and bad) can come rushing to me one by one. Time capsule, so coolzxz. I wanted to dig one in TKGS once, hahaha such a retard right, but we decided not to cause that would mean we're destroying our beloved school property!

aw miss the pb den. good times, good times. Dirty, messy, disgusting but also really homely and cosly and nice. :D <3>

Alright, i will stop crapping for today and go do something constructive like sleep.

GOODNIGHT M'FRIEND I HOPE YOU DID NOT GO CRAZY READING THIS. TOLD YOU IT'S GONNA BE RANDOM.

Im addict, addicted to you
okay stop it, stop being addicted, stop it.

Meeting up with Sal today was nice.
It was hardly productive (duh) but fun nevertheless.

when am i ever gonna meet/talk to you afiyah you stupid girl!

Okay and i need to be more more more focus.
i cant stand myself im so inefficient and unproductive arghargh.
stop playing and slacking away youuuuu.

okay totally didnt make sense but it's okay blogs dont always have to make sense. i rant in them and rants dont make sense. Just for laugh gags are awfully funny.

HELLO FRIENDS ILL BE OFF TO JAPAN VERY SOON! (for the very few of you who frequent this measly blog)

I have such mixed feelings for the trip.
I feel very excited nontheless but then again i'm always skeptical about such trips, had some tough experiences in Korea when i caught a cold and spent the first three days feeling damn miserable, and not to mention- cold, freezing cold.

But this time, it will be different! It's a school trip! woohooo, tkgs never had any school trips other than the annual tkgpb camp at Malaysia, which does not even exist anymore (poor juniors) but ah this would be a great experience with friends! Although i do wish more people could go for the trip! like comeon man, but fie fie it's your choice!

i am feeling very very random and a little high now.
This will not make much sense but ah well. heehee i would totally wanna experience safe parachuting. imagine flying over the snow-capped peaks and the lush green fields, with the wind blowing you away (in all aspect of the phrase!)

this is totally like another one of my crazy fantasies. like how i used to be sooo crazy and adamant about getting a drum set! AH the idea's still kinda cool now i guess but nah i dont really want it that much now! Yes parachuting will be good awesome funzxz.

I still wanna go korea. It's one place i can go forever and ever and still not feel bored and sick. It's such a lovely place, with nice weather, delicious food and nice scenery ahh. Korea! :D

I sometimes wonder if i don't think enough.
And i decided, No.
It's not that I don't think enough. It's just that I don't say it out enough. I just really don't like the idea of saying things just for the sake of it. To me, it's a complete waste of breath, time and effort. Why say something to people so that they know you are thinking when what you are saying is just a repeat of what someone has said a while ago. Does it make you any brighter? I don't think so. It does make you sound brighter and more engaged i guess. But that doesn't matter to me. It's too much of a hassle and sometimes, too much of a pretence. I would like to move on to newer topics thank you very much. & stop going on about the same points. If for the second time and you've still failed in convincing people, then move on already. We're (well, I'm) already bored and tired.


okay i sound super angst. I'm not! :)

okay enjoy your holidays people!
2010 IS COMING!

There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach

someone told me he felt strangely happy today.
why should feeling happy be a strang feeling?
Don't let it be an emotion that is unusual and obselete because happiness really should not be something you only feel once in a while
Open our eyes, hearts and minds and being hapoy will be so much more attainable and frequent.

School has officially ended. i would wanna say "YAY" but ahh knowing myself i'll probably be missing school and all my friends one week through the school holiday. This year seems different though, school did not end with a bang, it actually did not even feel like the end of a whole year of school. It felt weird being the only ones left schooling while everyone else was having their holidays. I can't believe school ended. It ended with RAP, WOWZA, how exciting. It ended with sushi with claire,deb and rachael! :D I can't believe we're not J1s anymore. We're halfway there and one more year into the school. I'm going to miss the school for sure, yes for sure.

one more month till the end of 2009.
ONE MORE MONTH.

okay this month i am going to -
start and end all the homework
clear my room of all the korean shiz piling up
meet with all my friends to the best of our schedule
do decordecor for oteam
memorise the dance
enjoy family time in china!!!!
read more read more
plan my life seriously

Although this year has passed really quickly, i'm really grateful for the year of 2009. This year i've learnt a lot from different events, different people surrounding me, from different things and emotions i've been through. This was a tough year with a tough beginning but it ended rather well. This year i've had a change in the view of my life and what i want to do with it. This year i've been inspired by teachers, by peers and this year i've done extremely meaningful things. This year i've become a better person. This year i've become more open-minded and perceptive. This year i've grown. (:


"When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wishes comes true"

Fav song nowww

"come on Baby we ain't gonna live 4eva
let me show you all the things that we could do
you know you wanna be together
and i wanna spend the night with you (yeahyeah, with you)
come with me tonight, we can make the night last 4eva"

-4eva, Veronicas

your past haunts you FOREVER.